Are you a single mother dedicated to raising your child but feel you are missing a companion in your life? As a single mom, you may be in a position where you're trying to be the best mom to your child but you also yearning for a companion. For example, a question a single mom may ask themselves is how long should she wait before introducing her new companion to her child. Not an easy question to answer and it really depends on the circumstances of your situation. Whatever the circumstance, there are some things you may want to consider.
- It's pretty sad but the truth is as a single mom you are a target for losers who want the easy life but are not ready to commit. If you let them, they’ll come over daily for meals, hang out, and get the “goodies” without making a contributing or a commitment. You've heard the old saying, if the milk is free, why by the cow?
- Take it slow. There's no rush to make a commitment, especially if your plan is to find a partner who'll be around for the rest of your life. Plus, the first stage is usually the most passionate, so enjoy it and don't complicate things too early.
- Your children are your first priority. Your new relationship should enhance your child's life not diminish it.
- Get to know someone before you invite them to your home, especially if you don't know anyone who knows them. Once that front door is closed, you're on your own and anything can happen.
- Your home should be a safe place for your child. It's their territory. People who visit your home should respect and be kind to your child. You should be wary if your new guy is a little too eager to be a parent to your child.
- There are creeps out there, crafty creeps, dressed up like nice people. One interaction with a creep can cause permanent damage to your child. It's your job to protect them. For example, your new guy shouldn't be babysitting your child when you go out. Actually, I recommend that you don't leave your child alone with your new partner until he's established a relationship with your child.
- Protect your child but don't let them rule your life. Some children don't want their single parent to find a new partner and some will even go as far as sabotaging any chances of the relationship flourishing. Keep in mind, your child may still be clinging to hopes that you and your ex (their other parent) will get back together and he/she just wants mommy all to themselves.
- Most children can see things that grown ups can't. They can see through a person or just know when something isn't quite right. If your child is not feeling your new mate, explore why. They may be seeing something that you're missing.
- Just because you’re ready for your partner to move in, doesn't mean your child is ready. Moving in together is a pretty serious and permanent move so make sure you're ready to put in the work to ensure a smooth transition. Once you let someone move in, it’s very hard to get them out.
- Do not use social media as your daily journal by providing updates to the world on your relationship and pics of you and your guy. You know what I mean, you change your status to "In a relationship", then when you're done with him, you change it back to "Single". Keep the personal details of your life out of social media, it is your business. Keep your relationship private. If you need relationship advice, talk to someone you trust and is usually objective.
- If you're sure about the person and you're ready for a relationship, give it your all. Don't be wishy-washy, stay focused. You can't help your relationship to work if you have one foot in and one foot out. Relationships that are on then off then on again affects your child's security.
- Do not fill your child's head with negative thoughts about their "other" parent, your ex. Your new partner shouldn't do it either. You and your new partner should be mature and deal with your ex respectfully as this will make a good impression on your child.
- Remember, you need to get to know someone before you consider having children with them. Give your relationship a chance to build and take the necessary precautions.
- My last rule is the most important one. Love yourself so you can be happy and also have the strength to love your child and your new partner.
Know your boundaries, cherish yourself and get out there and have some fun!
Wendy (a.k.a. The Wendenator)